1. Obession. Instead of obsessing over the chemicals in your kitchen cleaner and how the standing near the microwave is affecting your unborn child, Waiting Mamas obsess about every single word in their profile books and Dear Birthmother letter.

2. Emotions. Emotions run high during different phases in pregnancy. The first trimester we’re tired and cranky, the second we’re almost normal, and the third we’re miserable and downright mean sometimes.  Waiting mamas start out their wait strong, expecting a baby at any second. As the wait drags on and hope dwindles, we second-guess everything- including ourselves. Do birthmothers not like us? Is the agency conspiring against us?  We teeter between ignoring the adoption issue and panic from not being chosen.

3. Nesting. Just a normal part of pregnancy. Also a normal part of being a Waiting Mama.  After the flurry of activity during the home study process, we have to keep ourselves busy during the long wait. So, we nest.

We’re all a little bit crazy. But it sure is nice to have women who know what its like to take the phone with you to the bathroom 5x/day for a year [just in case] the agency calls.

Our new Waiting Mamas Group meets at Vintage Coffee in Edmond, OK off of 33rd and Western

Mondays @ 7:30pm

Be sure to follow us @chosenokc on twitter for a reminder each week.  Hope to see ya there!

Each Saturday night, a group meets at Crossings as we navigate the questions inside this world of adoption and foster care.  If you are thinking about adoption or foster care, come get your questions answered and meet some great people who have walked this road before.  Below is a list of the topics for the next few Saturday nights.  We hope to see you there!

April 10^th, 2010- What is Chosen?

April 17th^th, 2010-What you really want to know about Adoption and Foster Care (Q & A)

April 24t^h, 2010- Myths and Realities about Adoption/Foster Care

May 1st, 2010- Real stories of Chosen Families
Anyone is welcome to this open group.  Child care is available and we start @ 5, service is @ 6.  We meet in room 220-221 at Crossings Community Church. Please email us at chosenokc@gmail.com with any questions.

With Chosen, we started very small.  Just a handful of us trying to respond to a need in our community (spearheaded by the amazing Molly Shockley)

Then it grew.

We saw a really cool thing happen when a large group started meeting, representing 9+ churches and other organizations who were committed to the same thing we were: raising awareness and helping the fatherless.

We needed an easy way for people to learn more about us and get involved.  So I saw on Facebook that a local web design company was giving away a free website to one nonprofit each month for the year 2009.  I thought it was a longshot, but I submitted our info.  And they called me!

I have so much love for these two people: Tim Priebe and Emily Spirek.  They walked me through the process, designed the entire site based on our organization’s goal and preferences, and maintained a level of professionalism that I have not found elsewhere.  They were quick, talented, and most importantly, they were kind.

Whenever I watch the news and start to lose faith in humanity, I think of people like Tim at T & S Web Design who donated his company’s time and energy to helping out a small group like us so that babies and children out there can find forever homes.  There are still good people out there. Tim and Emily are two of them.

For most of my teenage years and well into my twenties, I struggled with depression, self doubt, social anxiety, and low self esteem. I headed down a path of drinking and destruction and turned to everything, but God, in an attempt to find happiness. The further I turned from God, the more I knew I needed Him and longed for a relationship with Him, but I felt ashamed of myself and unworthy to be near Him. About two years ago I landed a great job, bought a home, and appeared to really have my act together, but on the inside I was screaming for help. I was spiraling downward, and fast. I needed a miracle.

One night, while out with friends to drink away the anniversary of my divorce, I ran into an old acquaintance of mine. Kyle and I had previously worked together at a bank and never got along. In fact, it’s safe to say we hated each other. I had not seen him in about three years and could hardly even remember his name, but I saw him sitting alone at the bar and I felt sorry for him. I went over to say hello and it was like God was sending lighting bolts through my body. I fell instantly, inexplicably, and totally in love with Kyle, and it all happened almost before I could get a simple “hi” out of my mouth. Kyle was recently separated and facing a bitter divorce and custody case and was out trying to find a bit of happiness as well. We sat and talked for hours and I could tell he was feeling something amazing, too, and it wasn’t the alcohol talking for once. We spent every waking minute together after that night and I knew by our second date that I was going to marry him.

Two weeks later, Kyle had to go to Tulsa for Drill – he’s in the Army Reserves – and it was going to be our first time apart in 10 days. It was my friend’s birthday and we all went to a club downtown to celebrate. After several drinks, everyone was ready to leave, except for me because I was always up for more fun, and I got separated from my friends. That’s one of the last clear memories I have of that night, the rest are fuzzy and disjointed. I made a poor decision to allow a strange man to drive me home, thinking I was making a smart decision by choosing not to drive while intoxicated. I remember the car he drove, and I sometimes get flashes of his face, but that’s all I remember of the man who changed my life forever.

I woke up the next morning feeling totally disoriented, as though I had been drugged. I was lying at the end of my bed, on top of the covers, and still in the dress I had worn the night before. I had a strong urge to use the bathroom and immediately felt as though something was wrong. As I sat there, a million things running through my head, I knew deep down inside what had happened. I could feel it throughout every inch of my being. I did not want to believe it. I could not fathom someone would do such a thing. I never imagined something like that would ever happen to me. And so, I began to push the thought out of my head. Pretend it never happened. Convince myself I was crazy.

Two months later and two missed periods later, I knew.

There was a possibility it could be Kyle’s, and oh, how I prayed it was, but there was too much risk involved. I decided I was going to have an abortion. Kyle drove me to the clinic on a Friday morning and we drove in complete silence, except for a few quiet whimpers and a couple of long sighs. I have never supported abortion and have always viewed it as wrong; however, I always said I would never have an abortion unless I was raped. And so, here I was. As I was lying on the exam table, I began to pray. It was the first time in a long time. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was scared and didn’t know what else to do. As I was praying and crying and feeling totally horrified by the doctor’s and nurse’s total lack of humanity and zombie-like bedside manners, God answered me. He told me to leave and He would take care of me.

Since there was a possibility that the baby could be Kyle’s, although I could sense deep down it was not his, I decided to have a DNA test done. The results were as I had expected. It was the most devastating day of my life. Earth shattering. Life altering.

Over the next 5 months, I prepared to make the hardest decision a mother could ever make. I knew I was going to place him for adoption even before the test results were in, and I knew this because God was instructing me to do so. There was a very clear message coming through to me that this baby was not intended for me. As I spent more time in prayer, mostly listening, He revealed Himself to me. I had been screaming for help, thinking no one heard my cries, but God heard and He performed a miracle. God knew it would take something earth shattering to stop my downward spiral, and He made it so. I do not believe He instrumented the rape, but I do believe He allowed a life to form as a result. Every child is a gift from God, and each is one of God’s miracles. This was the miracle I had so desperately needed.

I was slightly intimidated by the adoption process at first, but only because I was naïve to it all. My counselor was an angel and was with me every step of the way. I was growing quite discouraged while looking through prospective parents’ profiles, thinking I was never going to find anyone who could live up to my irrationally and unreasonably high expectations. I made sure to find fault in every profile I read. Then one evening, I began reading a profile and as I was reading it, a peace swept over me that I can not describe. I felt as though I had known them my whole life and like they were a part of my family. Over the next few days, I tried desperately to find something wrong with them, maybe they forgot to dot an “i” or cross a “t”, but God kept assuring me that they were “the ones”.

I made my decision and we notified the adoptive parents just six weeks before I was scheduled to deliver their new son. There was a finality to it all that was a wonderful feeling, yet terribly sad at the same time. I had been carrying this baby inside of me, trying desperately not to bond with it, and trying to be as disconnected as possible. It’s not possible. I loved that baby more than anything in the world and I didn’t even know what he looked like, or who he would look like, but none of that mattered. God made him and he was precious.

The day he was born was one of the most special days of my life. Seeing him and holding him was amazing. But what was even more amazing was introducing him to his new mommy and daddy. Giving someone the gift of a child is a feeling that is hard to describe. I felt humbled and thankful that God allowed me to be a part of His plan.

The night before I was going to be discharged from the hospital, I stayed awake all night holding him. I talked to him and told him how much I loved him. I told him that he was the miracle that God had performed and that he had saved my life. He had his eyes open the entire time and it was as though he understood everything I was saying to him. I told him how much I wanted him but that he was not intended for me, that God had other plans. I told him that I hoped he understood some day why I made the decision I made and that I did it out of love. I prayed over him and asked God to always protect him and prayed that he would always know God’s love.

The next day, I said goodbye.

Kyle and I were married shortly after and began our lives as husband and wife. We celebrated how far we had come since that night in the bar. We rejoiced in the fact that God had saved us from our years of depression, loneliness, and blind searching for what we thought was happiness. God brought us together for a reason, at just the right time, and we thank Him for it. I could not have made it through all of that without Kyle by my side, and he was faithfully and dutifully at my side every step of the way.

It has been nine months now since I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and I have never once regretted my decision. There are days when I feel sad, but those days are few and far between. For the most part, I feel overwhelming joy for the life I brought into the world, for the amazing gift I gave to the adoptive parents and their family, and for having the courage to listen to God’s guidance. I have been given a sense of pride in myself for the decision I made. It is not always easy to do the right thing, but it is definitely worth it. God has been faithful to me every step of the way and He has carried me through some of the toughest times I hopefully will ever face. I am grateful He never gave up on me even after all of the times I turned my back on Him.

A few months ago, while going about my usual morning routine, God spoke to me again. This time He was telling me to put myself out there in order to help others. I was not sure what exactly He wanted me to do, so I prayed a simple prayer, “Lord, guide me.” And He did, and is continuing to do so. The vision God has given me is to help women experience God’s love through adoption. To lift the negative stigma placed on birth moms and adoption as a whole. To encourage Christian families to open their homes to God’s children so that women like me who are faced with the difficult decision to place will have the ability to do so. God also placed it upon my heart to help in the fight to abolish abortion. God has a purpose for every unborn child and as a Christian, a woman, and a mother; it is my duty to spread that message to every ear I can reach.

Years of “having fun” lead me down a dark and dismal path, but ultimately, God shone His light and brightened the path that would lead me to true happiness. To worship Him is more fun than anything this world could ever offer. To live in His love is pure joy. To love Him with all my mind, body, and soul is ecstasy. To know Him is happiness.

WHY?

There are 11,000 children in the foster care system right now in Oklahoma. Each day, 150 of those children don’t have homes or caretakers.  They are sent to shelters.  Meanwhile, more babies are being born to women and families who simply can’t care for them.  Our hearts are burdened for these children as well as their parents.

HOW?

Chosen exists to support the families who are committed to opening their hearts and homes for these children.  We can answer questions for those just starting on their own foster or adoption journey, we can help provide volunteer opportunities and places to serve, and we can connect you to places and people who can help you wherever you’re at.

WHEN?

Our founder, Molly Shockley, began this group in 2009.  It has been amazing to see Chosen grow deep and wide as hearts are stirred for these children.

We hope you’ll stay tuned to our blog.  We have a lot of exciting things coming- including a concert announcement!